Confliction

To set the scene of a modern me, is to explain to the best of my ability, confliction. This level of confliction has a hint of direction, and in the deepest depths of my confliction is hope. It’s cold and raw outside the window of my dining room. Illinois has turned grey. The only thing to catch my eyes in the dull abyss that is suburbia, is the fire hydrant directly across from my house. It is among the few things that’s maintained its integrity throughout the last few months. The fire hydrant is burgundy in a field of dehydrated green. Directly behind the hydrant is a sycamore tree, which is several feet taller than the hydrant, as if to say it wants to be seen. As my gaze meets the sycamore, it occurs to me how closely the tree and I resemble one another. When I say modern me, I speak only only of what means to be in my skin and my mind, today. I find myself unimaginative in the clothes wrapping my structure. There is an abundance of grey and black on me. Whether this is calculated or unconscious in unbeknownst to me. I have hopes of wearing other things, reds and greens, like the colors I pick out in the landscape. This lets me know that my confliction is accompanied with hope. I struggle to maintain routine, deciphering just what that means, and what it looks like for me. I wonder if staring out the window and seeing the hydrant for all its color comes from a place of introspection or boredom. I spend my morning writing and heating a pot of water with ginger and lemon, reminding me that this concoction can only benefit me. My confliction comes in at the end of the first act, as the curtains close for intermission and I’m then left with questions as to why I’m doing what I’m doing and where it’s taking me. My greatest ally and most devious opponent are the ways in which my mind determines right from wrong, in this monochromatic November morning on the brink of a dark winter. As the curtain closes in preparation of the second act, I can take a moment to catch my breath, and await what I hope to be a standing ovation.